Who I work with

Psychotherapy is a successful evidence-based treatment for anxiety disorders and depression. Here are some of the difficulties people bring to therapy.

Over the years, I have supported many clients who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD. Known triggers include road traffic accidents, physical attacks, verbal abuse, sexual assault & rape, bullying, emotional/psychological abuse, an accident or distressing experience at work, including employees of the emergency services and armed forces (veterans). We are all unique and what might traumatise one person may not cause the same reaction in another, and that is ok.

During childhood, we can experience trauma without realising it because for many of us it is our ‘normal’. Our parents or caregivers were not emotionally or physically available to us. Examples of this are environments that include alcohol or drug dependency, domestic abuse, divorce, generational trauma, inherited anxiety and/or depression, and emotionally immature parents. You might tell yourself, “It wasn’t so bad, people had it worse” but this language feeds the narrative that you were the problem and not a product of the environment you grew up in. This belief does not help you heal, it only keeps you stuck. It is ok to feel negative emotions about your parents and see your childhood differently as an adult. No parent is perfect and the assessment function is not to point the finger. Exploring your earlier life can help you make sense of it in a way that you might not have considered before.

Domestic abuse is a global killer. Refuge.org.uk reports that 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. 3 women die from suicide because of domestic abuse each week and 1 in 5 children have experienced living with a perpetrator. In reality, these statistics would be higher if survivors felt supported and safe enough to come forward. Many survivors understandably find it hard to trust again and connect with new people. Often, our vulnerability attracts abusers such as narcissists.

Narcissists come in many forms and sadly, we do not realise their presence until we are feeling traumatised and physically ill, because of the love bombing stage and the hoovering behaviours experienced during the relationship and post separation. This type of manipulation leaves us doubting our reality and often strong independent people become a shadow of their former self, now dependent on the perpetrator and isolated. Survivors of domestic and narcissistic abuse fear negative outcomes and worry that boundaries will cause conflict. They live unconsciously with a heightened nervous system, in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze. Therapy can help you process trauma and shift into an assertive adult mind set where you will identify your needs. It supports your journey of self-love, where you can strengthen existing connections or navigate the dating world spotting red flags more easily, making better choices, if this is what you choose to do.

Often, when we lack self-esteem or confidence, we struggle to show up authentically in relationships. We have a passive-aggressive communication style that feeds a cycle of dysfunction and anxiety when we interact with others. Some people learn this style of communication in childhood, or they develop it as a defence mechanism to protect themselves when they feel vulnerable. We have to learn what assertiveness is, and therapy can support you with this.

Anxiety and depression can occur when we live with long-term health conditions (LTHC) such as chronic pain and fatigue (CFS/ME & Fibromyalgia) these physical symptoms can negatively impact our mood and how we feel about ourselves and our abilities, leaving us feeling misunderstood and isolated. My goal is to offer empathy and validate your experience, whilst understanding the importance that flexibility and pacing has during treatment if positive outcomes are to be achieved.

Many clients are parents, carers of young people or those who work in an educational setting. We live in ever changing times where children and young people have access to the world at their fingertips! I believe in the power of attachment theory and secure parenting. This theory is my guide as I collaboratively work with clients as they shift from critical parent or wounded child ego states into that of a secure adult mind set. Young people do not have it easy. If anything, life is harder now than ever before. They have more information to process as they try to figure out who they are. When we add hormones, online abuse, and unrealistic social media expectations into the mix, children and young people become burned out. Many struggle to attend school or college because of crippling anxiety and depression with persistent absence above 20% in England alone. They are not doing this to be difficult, but it adds pressure on parents and we risk making the child feel guilty for our inability to cope.

If we want to parent securely and we did not experience this in our childhoods, we need to engage in self-development to avoid or correct when we have passed on biases, generational beliefs and worries to our children. We must also learn how to experience the 5 criteria of secure attachment ‘safety & protection’ ‘attunement’ ‘soothing & comfort’ ‘express delight’ and ‘support & encouragement’ for our own inner child wounds and as a parent. When clients use the five criteria as a daily guide, they experience rapid results and improved connections with those around them.

Anger is a primary emotion, an instinctual response to a perceived threat. If we do not take time to understand it from a survival perspective and learn how to harness it positively, we risk engaging with life-changing destructive behaviours that impact our world and the victims. Fear is the underlying emotion behind anger and therapy can help you identify and understand your triggers and provide you with tools to break the cycle in its early stages.

The world of sex and kink is ever evolving, leaving many clients questioning their sexual preferences. Exploring our desires is difficult if we carry generational shame or trauma. In therapy, we unpack influencing factors on your present day belief system. Allowing you to separate what limiting belief or rule belongs to you and what belonged to those who came before you. When you find the answers, you can become more accepting of your choices without shame, supporting you on your journey to live an authentic and fulfilled life.

Many clients with long-term anxiety and depression do not realise they live with attachment trauma and codependency. Often telling me “It’s just how I am” “I’ve always been a worrier” “I’m too sensitive, and am empath” “My childhood wasn’t that bad”. What you may discover is that you have an anxious attachment type. You may have complex PTSD (CPTSD). This can manifest as general anxiety and low self esteem with recurring negative thoughts, “I’m not good enough, I keep getting it wrong” and you struggle to relax fully and be yourself in relationships most of the time at during various stages in your life.

Other behaviours that suggest we might have an anxious attachment are when we find it hard to decide and take action independently of others, often seeking reassurance and depending on others to ease your discomfort, acting out if we don’t get what we want. Or we struggle to ask for help because we fear rejection or looking like a failure. We are perfectionists who take on too much responsibility in the external world, ignoring the importance of soothing the inner world. Codependents are people pleasers, with an inflated sense of responsibility for others. Usually, hyper-independent (Independent too soon) with a dysfunctional belief “I know best” that can appear controlling to others. When our advice falls on deaf ears, we becoming frustrated and feel rejected. When our needs are not being met (often because we don’t know what they are or how to communicate them assertively), we engage in relationships with people who lack the desire or ability to meet them, leaving us full of resentment and feeling victimised.

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